give and take and more give than take whiskey regrets and bathroom falls stabilizing (humbling) promises of love the shooting star across the Michigan Milky Way off roading to the last campsite lone walks with the Red Woods towards the vineyards of Napa found nerve in the mountains of Whistler And jealousy turned envy with the sound of arpeggios new friendship built on the chords of his guitar Languages opa and oma nanna and nanno red lights and waterboat champagne no feelings preceded or warned for the great pause except for maybe the desire for rest turned to months of homemade food movie nights furry companions turned family boredom fear. Stillness in chaos. Nanno gardens at 93 the world marches and cries; The world moves. Nature roars. I visit with backpacks and boots I camp at its waters Skinny dipping in the great lakes Lane Cove is where peace dances with the dragonflies; He holds me when I'm scared. Masks are worn for more reasons than hiding, now more parts to protect the nation votes one side wins the other (why is there the other) braces. four tens turn to three sevens I'm unsure which mask I'll bring with me What I will take is my love of what came before. I'll take the life i've created and the life i've been given. I'll take the joy and I'll (try) to give even more.
29
I shower off the day reach for the lavender lotion I take vitamins floss I choose the green silk pajamas I open myself to 29
loves
and in the end
or the beginning
which ever end
you start to
untangle or
string together
it's in loving them
both
that will
restore
or
renew
which ever
frame you
choose
it’ll be the
same picture
It’s not one
or the other
I keep trying to
picture either
course
and they begin
with loose ends
and finish
in tight knots
I’d rather hold
both
if they let me.
doubt
I know she came before that summer and the beach the balcony plants the orange tree I understand you said you’ve moved on I’m wondering if moving on for you means holding her space while I hold out my heart wondering if you’ll take it while giving your own to her.
Full
Kisses fall to my forehead to the crevice of my neck. "What are you doing?" I ask, laughing, holding his face between my hands. "I don't want you to run out." He kisses my forehead, again. "Then I need 10 more." He takes my face in his hands. "There," he responds, looking satisfied. "I gave you 12."
I wonder about the people the ones who slip off their coat and place it on the seat or above in the train's compartment I wonder about the ones who keep their coats on the ones who haven't yet settled in the ones who are ready to leave I think there's a real difference between the two.
Edges
This time I’m on the edge of something instead of someone.
Distancing
sometimes all i can see are the ways and the moments you keep me away
Polarities
I often find that with gratitude I experience the overwhelming belief that I am undeserving and the two can seem contradictory opposite ends both feel reasonable and irrational at once
They say things change
I suppose it's true that connections and friendships wax and wane that falling in love and career pursuits take energy and priority Still I wonder or maybe regret. the appraisal of life's needs and obligations and my own wants it's the balance I have not yet learned
