It's an ongoing battle
between evidence
for why you might
continue to choose me
and evidence
for all the reasons
you would not.
contingent
There are some people
that offer their kindness
only when they believe
I belong to them
or owe them
in some way.
When it is revealed
that I belong to myself
that my own kindness
was not contingent on
attraction
their own
is rescinded.
You teach me the meaning of safety.
the moon meets the sun
i've tasted
fire and ice
neither
fully satisfied.
i taste you
a combination
of heat
and cold
of floral
and earth
and i want it
again
and again.
You are a balance
an in between
i didn't know
i could experience.
I waited for the moonrise
and you showed me worth
in holding out
for the sun.
Worn
I fell into something familiar
and like the last go,
it ended in
abrupt
explosive
and repetetive
goodbyes.
The familiar no longer
felt like
a warm fireplace.
It burned my
skin
and I turned to look
to something
cooling.
Something healing.
I fell into something familiar
those two years ago.
This time,
I walk into something
new.
Changing tides
I see the water meet the sky’s edge
I expand, here.
I take in what's changed
what's remained.
I remember the moments
I came to her shore
seeking something other
than what was,
seeking answers.
Today
I come to her
with a new request.
Her waves sing
and I ask for witness
as I recognize
my own growth.
I seek her
expanding memory
so that when I forget
she’ll remind me
that tides change
and so do I.
In joy
What
is joy
compared to
a lasting
ache
In joy
I lack the
preoccupation
the restless attachment
the wondering if
my feelings are matched
or returned at all
In joy
all I have
is the way
you leaned in to kiss me
The memory of standing
in the stairwell
you held my gaze
you held me
to share you’re not
seeing anyone else
All I have
are the hands
that didn’t let go of mine
from that first kiss
in the middle of your kitchen
I’m not sure how to write
in joy
But I can try.
