I’m thinking of
 how it felt
 waking up to the sunrise
 in a room that wasn’t my own.
  
 I watched it rise higher
 as I thought of the night before
how magic was made,
 co-created with quick wit,
 intimacy,
 hearing the stories of
 the rocks and art in your room. 
  
 I tried to rest,
 and when sleep wouldn’t take me, 
 I reached across you
 for the cup of water on your nightstand.
 You startled awake.
  
 I rose from the bed to leave.
 We talked lightly as I
 put my clothes on.
  
 I don’t remember the words you used
 or the tone in your voice
 when you instructed me to
 leave the shirt
 I had borrowed to sleep in.
  
 And I think in that moment I knew
 I wouldn’t be back in this room
 or in that bed
 or under the two blankets
 sleeping next to you without
 a pillow because you only had one.
  
 I took the T-shirt off and
 didn’t listen to your explanation
 of what it meant to you
 and don’t remember if 
I even asked
 or if I said
 something funny to blunt
 how it felt being told
 to leave this piece of you.
  
 It was in that short sentence
 I realized
 you didn’t want any loose ends.
 I would be a temporary connection,
 an afterthought.
  
 Now looking back
 at a moment meant to mean nothing
 but charged with more than
 I could’ve grasped in the
 fog of alcohol,
 I wonder what it is
 that T-shirt means to you.
  
 Maybe you just like it.
 It’s vintage and cool
 and worn and
 it looks like its traveled and
 I loved the way it felt when I put it on.
  
 When I took it off it felt cold and
 used and I
 wanted to tell you that I
 didn’t want to take it from you
 in the first place.
  
 And in hindsight I know
 that the t-shirt didn’t fit,
 it wasn’t mine to wear.
 Maybe the contrast of it on me
 was too telling.
 Maybe it was clear just how much
 it did not belong to me.
  
 It was that simple request
 to leave what was yours
 exactly where you wanted it
 that led me to hear
 what you have said from the start.
  
 In the end, 
I’m thinking
 of how it felt
 waking up to the sunrise
 in a t-shirt that wasn’t my own.
  
 I liked
 wearing something
 important to you and
 although it was temporary
 I liked how it felt.

 I liked who 
I imagined 
you saw in that t-shirt.