I so badly wanted it
to be you.
It was temporary.
We were, that is.
That made it
no less real.
I sure did
like to pretend,
though.
I held on
just in case
i was proven
wrong.
Tag: growth
Split
“Stay present,”
He advises.
Lovingly;
Selflessly
“I don’t want
you split between
two places.”
I want to laugh
You see,
you’ve been with
me, in the
mountains of
West Virginia.
Along the shores
of the
Great Lakes.
I saw you in
the mouth of
Mammoth Cave.
When the fireworks
reflected in
the D.C. waters.
I haven’t left
your hometown
in weeks.
“I’ll do my best,”
I assure him.
I’ve been trying
to untangle my
feet
wrestle them into
one place
For over a year.
Choice
Does it always
come to this?
fire and ice
Blue springs or
Rainy canals
the dancing flames
blue reflections
they revel in
their changing
views
Let the answer exist
in the ampersand.
Until then
I’ll find my
joy
in long walks
coffee after dinner
I’ll pick
mulberries
and
listen to his
singing
I’ll run, steady
until the answer
reveals itself.
You see -
Both
forces
have the capacity
to burn.
problems
have i told you
the realization
i've come to
as the fireworks
blazed
and time told us
to start again
i've determined
that most (all)
of the problems i encounter
are of my own
making
they belong to me
and with me.
Behind the regret and
the defensiveness
lives the answer
that all along
i've had the power
and potential
to heal.
Delay
There's a sort of pause - a break. Writing about how good how easy it is, being with you. There’s parts of me that never learned to describe all the ways of your kindness Your patience What words can express peace and the glow in my chest When I look at you as you sleep next to me one arm draped over my body You fall asleep holding me. And the delay in writing of the internal experience of being with you maybe it'll be temporary I know words for pain. It’s the good feelings I’m still learning.
she was there
glowing looking at me and through holding the son; the repair: blue and white hair the color of - there aren't words she was she and me and all in; holding him i crossed over the waning crescent, held and stroked. nothing was asked of me I was present - I was: and she loved and that was all that was. "Does she have a name?" no name, yet. she wasn't there for introductions she was there to show love to offer to nurture and I to receive.
Edges
This time I’m on the edge of something instead of someone.
Explore
"I want to explore the world,
with you,"
He says, imploring.
"I want to explore this city,
together."
He smiles.
I look at him
at his crystal,
calculating eyes.
"My love,"
I want to say.
"There's only one thing
I want to explore."
Instead I laugh
placing my arms
around his shoulders.
We stay like this
as he rocks side to side
breathing in my hair.
He heads into the bedroom
signaling the end of
the conversation.
"You,"
I whisper
as he disappears
around the corner.
Changing tides
I see the water meet the sky’s edge
I expand, here.
I take in what's changed
what's remained.
I remember the moments
I came to her shore
seeking something other
than what was,
seeking answers.
Today
I come to her
with a new request.
Her waves sing
and I ask for witness
as I recognize
my own growth.
I seek her
expanding memory
so that when I forget
she’ll remind me
that tides change
and so do I.
In joy
What
is joy
compared to
a lasting
ache
In joy
I lack the
preoccupation
the restless attachment
the wondering if
my feelings are matched
or returned at all
In joy
all I have
is the way
you leaned in to kiss me
The memory of standing
in the stairwell
you held my gaze
you held me
to share you’re not
seeing anyone else
All I have
are the hands
that didn’t let go of mine
from that first kiss
in the middle of your kitchen
I’m not sure how to write
in joy
But I can try.
The Restless Crescent 