next to the rubble
sits a leaf blower 
some supplies, 
unfinished wood

I reach for the tools
but do not know where 
to start

i pick the 
most destructive
and hear its force
as I watch the
sawdust fly 

this construction zone
was never intended 
for remodeling
or renovation

it needed 

Now i watch,
holding too many
tools to carry
and a machine I have
no business operating

I set it down 
the engine still
running on high

I walk away.

I have to 
let the dust settle.


It’s the pendulum,
swinging one way
and returns again

Back and forth
gravity keeps its
repeating patterns
oscillating between
doubt and knowing

Kinetic to potential
and back again
until gravity wins

I’m the one receiving
the force
I’m the one asking
for change
and staying the same

decide how long
this period
will last.

Swing me,
I want to say.

Do what you
must and do it
until the stillness
feels so empty
I have to
do it again.

Is the metaphor

Maybe it’s me at the ends
and not in the middle

Maybe I’m both.


when the words 
or i lose myself
in the detailed tangles
of the other's

i often wonder
if it's enough
to witness

if it can satisfy
to say,

“I am here.”

I ask them to feel it all
and often
do not have the
the strings to
weave a foundation
that takes away
the pain

(I want to catch them)

Is this the illusion?

As I listen, speechless,
it may look
like they're falling

Do you see it now?

It's clear, now
when doubt
to an almost
ancient knowing

It isn’t a net
that’s needed

but wings


“Stay present,” 

He advises.


“I don’t want
you split between
two places.”

I want to laugh

You see,
you’ve been with
me, in the
mountains of
West Virginia.

Along the shores
of the
Great Lakes.

I saw you in
the mouth of
Mammoth Cave.

When the fireworks
reflected in
the D.C. waters.

I haven’t left
your hometown
in weeks.

“I’ll do my best,”

I assure him.

I’ve been trying
to untangle my
wrestle them into
one place

For over a year.


The universe
must laugh
with twisted

It should have come
as no surprise -

this was built
on bricks of pain
amongst fleeting moments
of Hope.

Existing always
was a desire -
A sort of
that I would
be here, grow here,
once I stood
on solid ground.

I held out my hands;

“I’m ready,”

I promised.

She smiles
visualizing a

I see it
in greys and blues
and know not
how it ends.

As I watch,
my arms become
so full I
lose my balance.

Faltering, I
look to the shore
and ask for guidance.

“You asked,”

She smiles.

“And so you received.”


the scene was 

and as you approached
the only light left
was (on) you

“You’re the dancer,”

he introduced, smiling.


I managed.

I look back
at that moment, frozen.

It melts as
the light transforms 
into a spotlight 

Make music,
I want to say to you.

watch me dance
for you.

D minor

There are only so many 
chords and notes

I haven’t learned them
all and I’m not sure if -

Are these enough?

I know rhythms that
we've created
in innocent

then there are the ones
he, of course,
added to
and spontaneously -

it's fluid and changing
and the lyrics do not
fit or seem to end -

I’m no braver today
than yesterday.

I want to add to it
but what I have in front
of me can only take me
so far.

You see,
I wrote you a song.

I play it,
the ways you would

Would you make it your own?

Would you want it to change?

The song starts in minor
the sound of its harmony
into uncertainty.

What would you say
if I asked you to
finish it,

I know the answer.

That’s not even the
right question.

I’m really asking -

Do you hear it in the
same ways
I do?

So far from the keys,
I don’t have the
to write its end.

It’s there, though,
in chords and
notes that only
you know.

it flows, you see,
for you, alone.


Does it always 
come to this?

fire and ice

Blue springs or
Rainy canals

the dancing flames
blue reflections
they revel in
their changing

Let the answer exist
in the ampersand.

Until then
I’ll find my
in long walks
coffee after dinner

I’ll pick
listen to his

I’ll run, steady
until the answer
reveals itself.

You see -

have the capacity

to burn.


He respects the line 
the invisible barrier
that cuts and swerves
what is and what
could be

(The other assures trust)

But my goodness -
There are moments
the craving is insatiable

Let that line
Shatter it in
whispered gasps

Just for a night

He is too good
that makes
testing the line
all the more

And what are boundaries
but lines meant to
the guarded

You know that
all too well


have i told you
the realization
i've come to
as the fireworks
and time told us
to start again

i've determined
that most (all)
of the problems i encounter
are of my own

they belong to me
and with me.

Behind the regret and
the defensiveness

lives the answer
that all along
i've had the power
and potential
to heal.